Author Archives: Dani@beautyfullmess.com

Learning to say “NO”, so that my “YES” means more…

January 13, 2015 8:55 pm , 2 Comments ,

It is the single hardest word for me to say.  It is even harder to just say the word without justifying why I said it.  The little word “NO” is so powerful, yet using it comes with the dis-illusion that it is a mean word, un-kind, un-fair, and flat out selfish.  It’s quite the opposite however.  Saying no opens up a world of being able to say “YES”!  It allows you the opportunity to say yes to things that really, really matter!

These two little letters are quickly becoming a dear friend of mine.  Not because I don’t want to do, go, help, bless, attend, etc… but because I want the things that I say yes to, to be those that God puts on my heart, and the ones that best fit into our family, schedule, finances, spiritual resources, and all aspects of our lives under the submission of Jesus.

I, just like countless others have bought into the lie that being ever-ready with a yes to answer is always best.  Having been a self-described “people pleaser” for so many years now, I can attest to the ragged way it makes you feel.  I can share countless stories with you of how saying yes flippantly has cost me precious time with the ones that needed me most.  It can rob you of what God actually needs you to do for Him.  When your energy is consumed by all these wonderful sounding commitments, it leaves small amounts of the resources needed to do the big things that God is calling you to.  In my recent Bible study and favorite one so far…  Lysa TerKeurst said it best: “When a woman lives with the stress of an overwhelmed schedule, she’ll ache with the sadness of an underwhelmed soul.”  This resonated deeply with me, and I knew change had to start right away!

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So, how do we turn this around?  How do we begin speaking honestly with those around us when they are so used to our inevitable yes?  How do we get over the fear that we will be seen as mean, heartless, and crazy?  I will be honest with you, I don’t know yet.  But I have started with these things:

  • Not answering immediately (the hardest part for me… so it helps to get it over with quick 😉  )
  • Re-evaluating my priorities and making sure that they are not compromised in saying yes.  (Is my Lord and Savior first, my husband second, and my kiddos third?  Because all else has to come after!)
  • Asking my husband.  (Not because I have to, but because I married my best friend, help mate and he is my covering.)
  • Does this fit financially for our family?
  • Do I feel well enough to take this commitment on?  (see past blog posts for more info on this)
  • And of course, the most obvious… yet not always the one that I go to right away:  Bring it before the Lord.  Ask for wisdom, guidance, direction, and wait on Him!  Pray.  Pray.  Pray.

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When I have to say no.  I have to say it in honesty.  Sometimes I give a reason, and more often I am really trying not to.  I want to speak in love, kindness, grace and utter honesty.  I am finding that when people know your heart, they respect your answer.  I try to surround myself with family and friends that know me, trust me, and love our family enough that they want to help protect my health, our family time, and even if they don’t understand the reasons… they support our decisions.  There are bound to be those that don’t understand too.  And in those situations, I have to rest in the reasons behind my NO.  Keep loving on them and be confident that God has a really great YES ahead that I need to be ready and prepared for, while praying for Him to bring someone with their “yes” to fill that need!

Our words are so important that the Bible talks about them over and over… here are just a few of them:

Proverbs 18:21a says  Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

Proverbs 21:23 says:  Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Psalms 19:14 says: Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

I have such a long way to go in learning where to give my yes.  I am excited to see how God can use me better when I save my “yes” for the things He has for me!

Are you struggling with saying yes?  Saying no?  Priorities?  Schedules?  

I would love to hear how you have seen your “yes” moments  value increase by guarding them… Please share and encourage one another here… I can’t wait to hear from you soon!

I am praying that you have His strength, His wisdom, His understanding, and truly lean on Jesus in this “yes/ no” journey!

Sincerely,  Dani

P.S.  Please subscribe to my beautyfull mess blog and let’s stay in touch… hugs

Posted in: God, Life

When the sleep doesn’t come… He is still there

January 11, 2015 11:24 pm , 78 Comments ,

IMG_9302_1You know those times in your life where you feel like you are stuck in an “ugly rut”?  Nothing seems to go right, there is more dark than light, more yuck than yummy, more saying NOOOOO than yes, you get the picture!  These seasons are REAL.  They are not fun.  In fact, sometimes they are simply awful, terrible, and seem unbearable.  Yet, God allows us to walk through them.  He brings us out on the other side.  He uses this time to refine us, teach us, change us, bring us closer to Him, and ultimately to show His glory!  Sometimes it is truly the worst that brings out the best… like the saying “beauty to ashes”.  We’ve all heard it.  When you look back on these times of trials, have you seen the truth in the saying?  He is still there… cling to Him, His promises, His word.

I know that it seems like nothing new… but I am not sleeping again.  I am not even sleeping a wink some nights… like not-at-all.  It is horrible.  I hurt, ache, and am overly emotional.  These last two weeks now have been the worst I’ve had in about two years.  I feel desperate, upset, and simply tired.  I told Cory just the other day that I know God knows how much longer I will have these three kiddos at home before they are off on their own adult adventures.  But I am upset that I have to feel like I do during all of this time in these special moments of their youth.  I want to feel good.  I want to be able to go run with them in our fields, shoot hoops with Hayden, build forts with Lucy, explore with Grey, and be fun!!!  He knows all of this, and yet I am still in this mess…    Because even when the sleep doesn’t come… He is still here!  He will not leave me, He will not leave you.  He is here, and I will bring my praises and my worries to him.

So, for now; I am earnestly praying for healing, sleep, rest, answers.  I know that my recent posts including this one sound so ugly.  I have been wanting to write and yet haven’t because I want to write about happy things, easy times, and FUN!  So, I am going to do two things in my upcoming posts.  I want to share with you about how much I am sleeping at night, and would ask you to join me in praying I can sleep!  (Not sleeping will kill you… it is vital…  please, please, please pray).  And I am also going to share with you some of the beauty that I have seen through these last 11-ish years now that I have been dealing with this!  You see… that is the greatest thing about all of this.  The amount of good, beauty, and blessings that God has given during this season have wayyyyy outweighed the ugly.  Let’s dwell on the good while we pray for the bad… I always feel better when my attitude is fixed on praise even when the world around me may be spinning in muck!

These three have stolen my heart… their laughter is contagious and their love is overwhelming!

These three have stolen my heart… their laughter is contagious and their love is overwhelming!

Some specific prayers for our family include:

Sleep for me… obviously!

(energy to teach school, keep our home tidy, be creative and think ahead with our meals)

More jobs and retainer work for Cory’s business  www.lonemill.com

Continued guidance in parenting  these three incredible kiddos

We are searching for some calves and a special horse to add to our ranch.

I need to be dedicated to working out again… hard to start over… AGAIN

Thank you to each of you for praying… They are each heard, and we are sooooo thankful!

 

Posted in: Family, God, Health, Life

… and the nap is over!

August 1, 2014 6:12 pm , Leave a Comment ,

I struggle daily for some crazy reason to sit my rear down and type here… not that I don’t have enough to write about, but that it won’t matter anyways.  So today as I finished praying and asking/ arguing with the Lord about what purpose it could serve to go blog, I came into my office and plopped myself down in front of my laptop and I kid-you-NOT… that very second Grey woke up from her nap.   IMG_8376(here she is loving being part of her newest little cousin’s photo shoot! )

You see, part of my health stuff has been that I cannot process more than one thing at a time anymore.  If I hear anything else at all… it is enough to completely break my thoughts and jumble my words.  I have lost so much of my memory and at times it moves me to tears.  So, the fact that nap is over now and I am already struggling to write… well, just bare with me!  😉

As I was reading the Word today and dwelling on this season of resting in God, waiting on direction, and being always thankful, the goose bumps set in.  You see, Cory’s last day of employment was yesterday and while we had been waiting for six months for that day to finally arrive, I felt no extra sense of urgency, un-rest, or stress… I simply felt thankful in the waiting.  And because I like to overanalyze why I am lacking emotions that the world would tell me to have and feel, I started wondering if I was just losing my mind.  Proverbs 8:32-36 says:

“Now then, my children, listen to me;
blessed are those who keep my ways.
33 Listen to my instruction and be wise;
do not disregard it.
34 Blessed are those who listen to me,
watching daily at my doors,
waiting at my doorway.
35 For those who find me find life
and receive favor from the Lord.
36 But those who fail to find me harm themselves;
all who hate me love death.”

Now, I already know that I have lost loads of my mind… as I said earlier today!  But I strive to be a blessed waiting daughter watching at His door and waiting at His doorway as this verse says.  So, this feeling of just waiting and being thankful in the waiting is something that I am working on getting used to.

I can’t help but wonder if in this “waiting” season which seems like it’ll never end quite honestly… if it is allowing me all the more time to dwell earnestly on God’s rich blessings in my life.  For the last almost 11 years of this waiting on healing, and then waiting on direction for our family with work these last six months; I have realized that the blessings that I have always counted are still blessings, but there are sooooo many others that I never would have thought of as even good things.  And now I see them as generous blessings in my life!  _MG_4531

(these are the 5 sets of tootsies waiting on direction from God…  

“Lord, I pray we stay still and wait on you before we move.  Amen”)

I found some scribbles in my Beth Moore Esther Biblestudy guide that I had written and it totally sums up my heart at this stage in our families life…  “God is just as purposeful of what He does NOT reveal as what He does.  Trust Him, rest in Him!”

 Jeremiah 29:11-13 gives great hope for our waiting and says:  11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”  and

Psalm 100:3 proclaims it again saying,

“Know that the Lord is God.  It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.”

So, if you find yourself in the season of waiting… waiting on healing, waiting on finances to improve, waiting on finding God’s direction in dating, marriage, parenting, or just life in general, I would encourage you to wait, rest and be thankful for this time that He is allowing you.  Be patient.  Be in the Word.  Be in prayer.  Be listening.  And don’t’ ever forget His rich promises.  Memorize them, scribble them on sticky notes all over your home and in your car.  This life is a mess, but in Him it is a “beauty full mess”!

~sincerely, daniHEADER.jpg

Posted in: Uncategorized

30 Days of Encouraging my Hubby Man

February 20, 2014 4:18 pm , Leave a Comment ,

I have hesitated on writing this out… because I am so very NOT perfect at all!  But then, none of us are.  We are all imperfect, lacking, speak before we think, etc…  Thank you Jesus that through You, we can see perfection and know who to strive towards, we can lack nothing because everything we need is found solely in YOU, and YOU can give us our words and purify our thoughts.

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(This pic has NOTHING to do with my post today… but it brings me joy, so I had to share!  Love my Hayden!)

So… I started 30 days of “encouraging my man”.  I am not following anything; book, or movement (not sure if there is one!).  I just felt God impress upon my heart to do this the very day before we found out that we would be looking for a new job.  Isn’t His timing crazy sometimes?!  So, three weeks ago Tuesday, this journey began.  Talk about a crazy time to be only encouraging and not nagging, annoyed, stressed, or flat out mean at times… it has been such a sweet time of simply loving on Cory, encouraging him to be all that God alone has called him to be, listening to him,, walking beside him, praying with him, hashing all kinds of scenarios around with him, and most importantly of all; speaking only positive and uplifting words to and about him!  It is something that I always try to do anyways… but I am flawed and even in these last weeks I know of at least one time that speaking to Cory was not done well.  It was not done in love.  I felt horrible, and was so very thankful for the forgiveness.

I love to talk about the people that I hold the dearest to my heart, share their triumphs and rejoice in their joys!  This is all easy when things are going great.  So many wonderful things to share… let the bragging begin, right?  But I have found that even being full of honest compliments in times of trial, counting your blessings as they are vast even in the not-so-awesome-times, and simply holding your loved one up in encouragement to him and others is sooooo important.  It keeps thankfulness, and joy on the tip of your tongue.  It helps to keep all things in perspective and realize that the little things that are not worth the stressing over are simply that… LITTLE things (let them go!)!

This is proving to be a constant reminder to remain in God’s word, keep praises on my tongue, laugh much, LOVE more, and truly live in every moment!

I Peter 5:7 “Cast all your cares upon Him, for He takes care of you.”

Honestly… when I really apply this verse to my every day, I know that His shoulders are ready for the burdens of my day, week, year, and life.  But honestly, when was the last time I actually; without holding anything back, gave it all to Him?

I am going to continue to do this 30 days of encouraging my hubs… now and hopefully forever!  I choose to cast all my cares to Jesus, likely every minute as the stressful thoughts creep up over and over.  But being an encourager feels so much better than a stressed out, anxious wife and mommy any day!

Sincerely,  dani

 

Posted in: Family

How to play “catch-up”…

February 5, 2014 11:15 pm , 1 Comment ,

The mere thought of trying to play catch up is daunting and one that has paralyzed me from logging into my blog and even saying a quick “hi”, “I’m still here”, “The holidays didn’t actually kill me”, or a simple “HELP ME…”!  I know it sounds ridiculous… but with the amount of new things to write about, along with the speed in which they have been hopping on life’s train;  my head is spinning and my stomach was in knots!  A little too dramatic for everyone?  I’ll admit it sounds like it… but here is a brief summary of life since I last signed on:

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Christmas 2013 was one we shared with family and friends.  Our railing was lined with 25 stockings, and don’t forget Jake, Sammy Sosa, Chance, and Rudy’s too… the pet ones of course!  The richest blessings in our lives are these zany people that we are somehow related to.  Starting with “Happy Birthday Jesus”, paper shredding, 7 littles running around in pure excitement, a soccer game in the field (almost 60 on Christmas Day), yummy dinner bursting with lively conversations, our huge family photo shoot of the year, and more family coming and going for the next 10-ish days!  It was a wonderful time of really celebrating how blessed we are.  God is so good!

Bringing Lucy home to teach her is one of the best things we ever could have done.  She is re-gaining her self-confidence, beginning to enjoy reading again, believing that she is great at math, and enjoying that her history, science, and reading are Bible based and founded on truths!  I have known that God would ask me to school our kiddos at home for sometime now… all I can say is; He is so very Good and His ways are perfect.  Now, if I want to pull my hair out tomorrow and throw in the “teacher” towel… let me blow off some stream and re-gain my composure.  But I assure you, He is always good!

We found out that the kiddos have a water born parasite in their gut.   Our poor little ladies were really uncomfortable for two whole weeks.  Now the boys have this plague, though we are beginning to see light at the end (we think!)  I had mentioned to hubby man that buying stock in 3 year old undies would have been a wonderful idea as I could not keep up on the laundry… I have never seen anything like it.  But again, with two weeks of poop up to my elbows and sleepless nights on end;  I can confidently say that our God is always incredibly good!

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This last week let down the hammer…  Cory woke me up Wednesday morning after a work call and relayed that the Corporate office that he has worked in for these last 6 plus years was closing and he would be without a job soon.  Out of the blue.  No warning.  Not something we had even really considered.  For a job… this was the bomb-digity… we hadn’t imagined life without it… didn’t really want to try.  All I knew to do was pray.  The kind of prayer where it was raw, half empty of words, and yet a prayer of thanksgiving.  Thankful for the job, thankful for the adventure ahead, and thankful that my best friend, myself, and God were there together in that moment.  We are still wading through the questions, the possibilities, the opportunities, but are resting in the arms of the One writing the words of this novel.  A story that one day we will see beauty in, chapters that lead to life abundantly in Him!  While using the brains he has given us, we are also resting in His promises, waiting on His timing, seeking His direction, and knowing that He has “plans to prosper us, and not to harm us.  Plans to give us hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11  He is good time after time.

I feel God saying; “There is much beauty in this mess.”  And I choose to trust Him for He is good!

-Sincerely, dani

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Posted in: Family, God, Health, Life, Uncategorized

Smile… It’s Dancing Day!

October 14, 2013 10:53 pm , Leave a Comment ,

Every Tuesday morning at 10:30, I find myself in a constant smile.  A smile because my little peanut is the happiest little dancing princess I have ever seen!  She is focused, goofy, confident, timid, she is happy, twirling, giggling, jumping, pointing her little pink ballet slippers, and smiling because she was quite possibly born to dance!

It is the simple moments in life like this half hour I have the second day of each week that remind me to enjoy each moment just like my Grey Everly is.  It reminds me to count my blessings… count them one-by-one, count your little blessings, see what God has done… (is that how the saying goes?)  I have started to make it a point to do just that.  I stand at the windowed door and watch her in her sparkly, poofy, purple tutu and thank God for all the blessings that come rushing through my mind:

I thank Him for:

My husband who is a wonderful man of integrity, commitment, courage, diligence, strength, and faith.  A husband committed to me in our marriage covenant between God and us.  A son filled with a tender heart that hurts when others hurt, has an entrepreneurial spirit, and made me a mommy for the first time.  A “Squish” who is seriously the sweetest of all  girls with a passion for helping the needy, she is beautiful inside and out, and is goofy when I need to laugh most.  A little peanut that we were never supposed to be able to have… (doctors said I would die if I had another baby), this little one has a passion for life, and is so gentle.  I thank Him for:  Our home, these 10 acres of possibilities, a pond to float on and soak in each sunbeam, a barn and arena for Lucy’s someday horse, Mountains that literally look like they were placed out my front porch each day to stare at me… (I am still in awe each day I see them… God cares so much for each of us), the gift of photography that He has shared  with me,  and that I get to share this gift with clients who have become dear friends, Salvation He alone offers me freely, and my list just keeps rolling on…

This routine always leaves me feeling overwhelmed by His pure goodness that I did NOTHING to earn, yet He so freely shares in every breath I take.  Does that overwhelm you too?

So, tomorrow is another “dancing day” for Grey, and I cannot wait to watch her as her little three year old body dances like no one is watching and is once again bubbling over with joy… I pray that each of you takes a moment to count your blessings, no matter how little they are.

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Have a ‘dancing day’ filled with joy!

Sincerely, dani

Posted in: Family, God, Life, Uncategorized , Tagged: , , , , , ,

My BeautyFULL Mess!

October 6, 2013 11:05 pm , Leave a Comment ,

Sooo… I know I am not the only one that has a “messy life”.

I know that our family has been walking through a 10 year mess.

I believe with my whole being that God is soooo much bigger than any mess I may have.

I now know that although this mess is way too messy for my liking… it is a “beautyFULL mess”.

 

Health stuff can be messy to say the least… and after 10 years I have seen all kinds of doctors.  Naturopaths, MD’s, Sleep Clinics, Specialists of all sorts, Neuro-Link Practitioners, Nutritionists… you name it, I have seen it!   I have been  told very scary things leading to not being here to love my husband, raise my kiddos, and enjoy this journey with our families.  I have been scared silly for sure.  I still have NO diagnosis, and the decisions we must make are never easy.  Although this is BIG… hard… scary… overwhelming… and super duper messy, the reason I am sharing about it is because God has been showing me over these last seven months that this mess is marked with His beauty.

It is FULL of His beauty.

It is for His beauty.

He could step in.

He could stop it.

He could heal me.

He could take the weight of this mess off of my husband.

He could remove the stress from my kiddos.

He CAN.

He MIGHT.

He is ABLE.

I believe all of this and I still pray daily, sometimes each minute that He WILL… but I can finally say I am thankful that He chose me to for some reason to walk through this messy-messy battle.  It may not be fun, and only He knows how it will end… but I am guaranteed that His purpose for my life will prevail- Proverbs 19:21, and that He has plans to “prosper me and not to harm me.  Plans for hope and a future…”  Jeremiah 29:11-13  Do I want healing? YES!  Do I wish that I didn’t feel like this?  OF COURSE!  Are there moments/ days I feel like I cannot get out of bed, move, go on? UH HUH!   Is this the hardest thing I have had to walk through?  BOY HOWDY!  Will I continue to seek after my God and desire His will at all costs?  YOU BETCHA!  There is sooooo much beauty in this mess… it truly is a “beautyFULL mess” and I cannot wait to see what God has planned in all of it.  His ways are so often a mystery to me, yet they are so full of life and love.  And I choose to be thankful that He is using me as a vessel to bring glory to Him!  I choose today, to walk in a manner worthy of HIS calling!- Ephesians 4:1

 

“Lord Jesus, I thank you for picking me for this “beauty-full mess”.  I know you love me.  I know your plans are perfect and right.  I pray that you bring healing to my body.  I pray for strength for this journey, patience with this process, grace for each day, protection for my kiddos, and joy in our marriage!  You are sooooo good, and I am thankful that you alone hold the blueprints for this life you’ve given.  I ask you to keep me close to you, that you may do YOUR good work in me.
Amen”.

 

~Sincerely, Dani

choose joy!

Choose JOY today… it simply feels better!

Posted in: Family, God, Health, Life, Uncategorized , Tagged: , , ,

Yet Another Blog to Read…?

October 1, 2013 6:16 am , 1 Comment ,

Yes… it may be just that to anyone who stumbles upon it.  But for me, personally it is purely an act of obedience.  Obedience to the One who grants me each breath along this journey that I have come to realize is most definitely; a “Beauty-FULL Mess”!  I hope to share, learn, laugh, cry, listen, vent, and stuff it full of photos of life along the way… so stay tuned, as I am learning as I go…

Sincerely, Dani

Posted in: Uncategorized , Tagged: ,