You know those times in your life where you feel like you are stuck in an “ugly rut”? Nothing seems to go right, there is more dark than light, more yuck than yummy, more saying NOOOOO than yes, you get the picture! These seasons are REAL. They are not fun. In fact, sometimes they are simply awful, terrible, and seem unbearable. Yet, God allows us to walk through them. He brings us out on the other side. He uses this time to refine us, teach us, change us, bring us closer to Him, and ultimately to show His glory! Sometimes it is truly the worst that brings out the best… like the saying “beauty to ashes”. We’ve all heard it. When you look back on these times of trials, have you seen the truth in the saying? He is still there… cling to Him, His promises, His word.
I know that it seems like nothing new… but I am not sleeping again. I am not even sleeping a wink some nights… like not-at-all. It is horrible. I hurt, ache, and am overly emotional. These last two weeks now have been the worst I’ve had in about two years. I feel desperate, upset, and simply tired. I told Cory just the other day that I know God knows how much longer I will have these three kiddos at home before they are off on their own adult adventures. But I am upset that I have to feel like I do during all of this time in these special moments of their youth. I want to feel good. I want to be able to go run with them in our fields, shoot hoops with Hayden, build forts with Lucy, explore with Grey, and be fun!!! He knows all of this, and yet I am still in this mess… Because even when the sleep doesn’t come… He is still here! He will not leave me, He will not leave you. He is here, and I will bring my praises and my worries to him.
So, for now; I am earnestly praying for healing, sleep, rest, answers. I know that my recent posts including this one sound so ugly. I have been wanting to write and yet haven’t because I want to write about happy things, easy times, and FUN! So, I am going to do two things in my upcoming posts. I want to share with you about how much I am sleeping at night, and would ask you to join me in praying I can sleep! (Not sleeping will kill you… it is vital… please, please, please pray). And I am also going to share with you some of the beauty that I have seen through these last 11-ish years now that I have been dealing with this! You see… that is the greatest thing about all of this. The amount of good, beauty, and blessings that God has given during this season have wayyyyy outweighed the ugly. Let’s dwell on the good while we pray for the bad… I always feel better when my attitude is fixed on praise even when the world around me may be spinning in muck!
These three have stolen my heart… their laughter is contagious and their love is overwhelming!
Some specific prayers for our family include:
Sleep for me… obviously!
(energy to teach school, keep our home tidy, be creative and think ahead with our meals)
More jobs and retainer work for Cory’s business www.lonemill.com
Continued guidance in parenting these three incredible kiddos
We are searching for some calves and a special horse to add to our ranch.
I need to be dedicated to working out again… hard to start over… AGAIN
Thank you to each of you for praying… They are each heard, and we are sooooo thankful!