Tag Archives: Life

My Refuge… My Rock

I know… I know… another delay in posts about treatment and life in general 🙁  I’m still here, but man oh man, each day throws new things my way.  I am sitting here in bed, not able to make it to church with my family today…I have been very, very, very nauseous in the mornings and most often begin my day with throwing up several times.  Various mornings have started with one or more of these super strange symptoms:  no hearing in my left ear, my right arm hung limp yet I could move all of my fingers (odd), my knee had no feeling, or another day had such severe pain that I couldn’t not put any weight on it, I could not focus one eye for most of one day last week…  I have started to call these crazy symptoms “the thing of the day”.  They seem to usually pass by about noon or so, and my afternoons from 1-5ish are what I am calling my “normal” for now.

Afternoons are spent mostly resting, trying to soak up the sunshine, being as present as I can be with my kiddos, and hoping to get at least one house chore accomplished for the day (this hasn’t been possible these last two weeks though!).  I have had a migraine that won’t subside for over 3 weeks now, and am usually so fatigued and nauseous off and on most of the day that being productive hasn’t been a reality… argh!

With the approach of each evening, I start getting worse again and we have had some scary times.  I had an intense peak of pain one night that left me shaking, involuntarily crying and curled up in the fetal position moaning… I honestly think that I blacked out for a bit of it, as Cory and the kids remember more of it than I do.  This brings me to the hardest part for me these days… knowing how frightened my family is about the way I am feeling.  My oldest went upstairs crying, praying, and saying “Mom was dying”.  Cory feels so helpless not knowing how to comfort, or care for me.  These are very scary times causing sleepless nights, nights full of tears, thoughts full of fears for all five of us.

We are looking for a great LLMD, or LLND (lyme literate doctors) to find someone who lives and breathes treatment for my specific conditions.  I spend hours and hours each day and night researching treatment options, finding ways to protect my organs in this process, working on new ways to detox, etc…  these are all things that a lyme specialist would be up on and know how to direct me.  Neurologically, I am battling so hard right now and then to add onto that struggle I am trying to retain any information I read about… and let’s just say:  I NEED help!

Prayers requests:

relief of symptoms

eradication of spirochetes

effective detoxing

strength for my body

emotional strength

strength and comfort for Cory and our kiddos

wisdom and direction to find THE right doctor and treatment protocol

finances for treatment

and of course complete healing for my body

Praises:

I am sleeping much, much better

Kiddos have been happier this last week than the week before

 

I am beyond thankful that though we are soooooo very weary of this mess; I know that my God is bigger, He is here and He is my life and breath, and I am choosing daily to put my trust in HIM!

2 Samuel 22:2-4

He said:

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
    my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
    my shield and the horn of my salvation.
He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior—
    from violent people you save me.

“I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
    and have been saved from my enemies.

Taking refuge in Him today…

Sincerely, dani

standing on rock

Smile… It’s Dancing Day!

Every Tuesday morning at 10:30, I find myself in a constant smile.  A smile because my little peanut is the happiest little dancing princess I have ever seen!  She is focused, goofy, confident, timid, she is happy, twirling, giggling, jumping, pointing her little pink ballet slippers, and smiling because she was quite possibly born to dance!

It is the simple moments in life like this half hour I have the second day of each week that remind me to enjoy each moment just like my Grey Everly is.  It reminds me to count my blessings… count them one-by-one, count your little blessings, see what God has done… (is that how the saying goes?)  I have started to make it a point to do just that.  I stand at the windowed door and watch her in her sparkly, poofy, purple tutu and thank God for all the blessings that come rushing through my mind:

I thank Him for:

My husband who is a wonderful man of integrity, commitment, courage, diligence, strength, and faith.  A husband committed to me in our marriage covenant between God and us.  A son filled with a tender heart that hurts when others hurt, has an entrepreneurial spirit, and made me a mommy for the first time.  A “Squish” who is seriously the sweetest of all  girls with a passion for helping the needy, she is beautiful inside and out, and is goofy when I need to laugh most.  A little peanut that we were never supposed to be able to have… (doctors said I would die if I had another baby), this little one has a passion for life, and is so gentle.  I thank Him for:  Our home, these 10 acres of possibilities, a pond to float on and soak in each sunbeam, a barn and arena for Lucy’s someday horse, Mountains that literally look like they were placed out my front porch each day to stare at me… (I am still in awe each day I see them… God cares so much for each of us), the gift of photography that He has shared  with me,  and that I get to share this gift with clients who have become dear friends, Salvation He alone offers me freely, and my list just keeps rolling on…

This routine always leaves me feeling overwhelmed by His pure goodness that I did NOTHING to earn, yet He so freely shares in every breath I take.  Does that overwhelm you too?

So, tomorrow is another “dancing day” for Grey, and I cannot wait to watch her as her little three year old body dances like no one is watching and is once again bubbling over with joy… I pray that each of you takes a moment to count your blessings, no matter how little they are.

dancingday2

Have a ‘dancing day’ filled with joy!

Sincerely, dani

My BeautyFULL Mess!

Sooo… I know I am not the only one that has a “messy life”.

I know that our family has been walking through a 10 year mess.

I believe with my whole being that God is soooo much bigger than any mess I may have.

I now know that although this mess is way too messy for my liking… it is a “beautyFULL mess”.

 

Health stuff can be messy to say the least… and after 10 years I have seen all kinds of doctors.  Naturopaths, MD’s, Sleep Clinics, Specialists of all sorts, Neuro-Link Practitioners, Nutritionists… you name it, I have seen it!   I have been  told very scary things leading to not being here to love my husband, raise my kiddos, and enjoy this journey with our families.  I have been scared silly for sure.  I still have NO diagnosis, and the decisions we must make are never easy.  Although this is BIG… hard… scary… overwhelming… and super duper messy, the reason I am sharing about it is because God has been showing me over these last seven months that this mess is marked with His beauty.

It is FULL of His beauty.

It is for His beauty.

He could step in.

He could stop it.

He could heal me.

He could take the weight of this mess off of my husband.

He could remove the stress from my kiddos.

He CAN.

He MIGHT.

He is ABLE.

I believe all of this and I still pray daily, sometimes each minute that He WILL… but I can finally say I am thankful that He chose me to for some reason to walk through this messy-messy battle.  It may not be fun, and only He knows how it will end… but I am guaranteed that His purpose for my life will prevail- Proverbs 19:21, and that He has plans to “prosper me and not to harm me.  Plans for hope and a future…”  Jeremiah 29:11-13  Do I want healing? YES!  Do I wish that I didn’t feel like this?  OF COURSE!  Are there moments/ days I feel like I cannot get out of bed, move, go on? UH HUH!   Is this the hardest thing I have had to walk through?  BOY HOWDY!  Will I continue to seek after my God and desire His will at all costs?  YOU BETCHA!  There is sooooo much beauty in this mess… it truly is a “beautyFULL mess” and I cannot wait to see what God has planned in all of it.  His ways are so often a mystery to me, yet they are so full of life and love.  And I choose to be thankful that He is using me as a vessel to bring glory to Him!  I choose today, to walk in a manner worthy of HIS calling!- Ephesians 4:1

 

“Lord Jesus, I thank you for picking me for this “beauty-full mess”.  I know you love me.  I know your plans are perfect and right.  I pray that you bring healing to my body.  I pray for strength for this journey, patience with this process, grace for each day, protection for my kiddos, and joy in our marriage!  You are sooooo good, and I am thankful that you alone hold the blueprints for this life you’ve given.  I ask you to keep me close to you, that you may do YOUR good work in me.
Amen”.

 

~Sincerely, Dani

choose joy!

Choose JOY today… it simply feels better!

Yet Another Blog to Read…?

Yes… it may be just that to anyone who stumbles upon it.  But for me, personally it is purely an act of obedience.  Obedience to the One who grants me each breath along this journey that I have come to realize is most definitely; a “Beauty-FULL Mess”!  I hope to share, learn, laugh, cry, listen, vent, and stuff it full of photos of life along the way… so stay tuned, as I am learning as I go…

Sincerely, Dani