Learning to say “NO”, so that my “YES” means more…

It is the single hardest word for me to say.  It is even harder to just say the word without justifying why I said it.  The little word “NO” is so powerful, yet using it comes with the dis-illusion that it is a mean word, un-kind, un-fair, and flat out selfish.  It’s quite the opposite however.  Saying no opens up a world of being able to say “YES”!  It allows you the opportunity to say yes to things that really, really matter!

These two little letters are quickly becoming a dear friend of mine.  Not because I don’t want to do, go, help, bless, attend, etc… but because I want the things that I say yes to, to be those that God puts on my heart, and the ones that best fit into our family, schedule, finances, spiritual resources, and all aspects of our lives under the submission of Jesus.

I, just like countless others have bought into the lie that being ever-ready with a yes to answer is always best.  Having been a self-described “people pleaser” for so many years now, I can attest to the ragged way it makes you feel.  I can share countless stories with you of how saying yes flippantly has cost me precious time with the ones that needed me most.  It can rob you of what God actually needs you to do for Him.  When your energy is consumed by all these wonderful sounding commitments, it leaves small amounts of the resources needed to do the big things that God is calling you to.  In my recent Bible study and favorite one so far…  Lysa TerKeurst said it best: “When a woman lives with the stress of an overwhelmed schedule, she’ll ache with the sadness of an underwhelmed soul.”  This resonated deeply with me, and I knew change had to start right away!

So, how do we turn this around?  How do we begin speaking honestly with those around us when they are so used to our inevitable yes?  How do we get over the fear that we will be seen as mean, heartless, and crazy?  I will be honest with you, I don’t know yet.  But I have started with these things:

• Not answering immediately (the hardest part for me… so it helps to get it over with quick 😉  )
• Re-evaluating my priorities and making sure that they are not compromised in saying yes.  (Is my Lord and Savior first, my husband second, and my kiddos third?  Because all else has to come after!)
• Asking my husband.  (Not because I have to, but because I married my best friend, help mate and he is my covering.)
• Does this fit financially for our family?
• Do I feel well enough to take this commitment on?  (see past blog posts for more info on this)
• And of course, the most obvious… yet not always the one that I go to right away:  Bring it before the Lord.  Ask for wisdom, guidance, direction, and wait on Him!  Pray.  Pray.  Pray.

When I have to say no.  I have to say it in honesty.  Sometimes I give a reason, and more often I am really trying not to.  I want to speak in love, kindness, grace and utter honesty.  I am finding that when people know your heart, they respect your answer.  I try to surround myself with family and friends that know me, trust me, and love our family enough that they want to help protect my health, our family time, and even if they don’t understand the reasons… they support our decisions.  There are bound to be those that don’t understand too.  And in those situations, I have to rest in the reasons behind my NO.  Keep loving on them and be confident that God has a really great YES ahead that I need to be ready and prepared for, while praying for Him to bring someone with their “yes” to fill that need!

Our words are so important that the Bible talks about them over and over… here are just a few of them:

Proverbs 18:21a says  Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

Proverbs 21:23 says:  Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Psalms 19:14 says: Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

I have such a long way to go in learning where to give my yes.  I am excited to see how God can use me better when I save my “yes” for the things He has for me!

Are you struggling with saying yes?  Saying no?  Priorities?  Schedules?  

I would love to hear how you have seen your “yes” moments  value increase by guarding them… Please share and encourage one another here… I can’t wait to hear from you soon!

I am praying that you have His strength, His wisdom, His understanding, and truly lean on Jesus in this “yes/ no” journey!

Sincerely,  Dani

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