Category Archives: Life

What a day looks like these days…

March 22, 2016 6:16 pm , 2 Comments ,

The start of my day is about the best part…  my sweet hubs wakes me up with my special coffee drink and my first pills at 9am.  These intense bio film busters along with lots of water begin doing the days’ work on the “cystic” forms of spirochetes.  Cysts/ our cells have a bio film encasing each one and unless you can break this down any treatment to kill off these “bugs” is absolutely useless.  I also pulse on and off every five days Artemesinin for the Babesia which is plaguing my body and feeding on my ferretin (a protein in my iron) ((another blog entry all together!))

After I take these, I usually very slowly start to wake up.  Though this does not sound early to most people… this is about two hours earlier than what I was able to do about a month ago.  I don’t sleep sometimes at all at night, so it is a job to move at all most mornings.  This last week after Cory woke me up, I had NO movement in my right arm at all for over two hours, and there are almost new issues each and every day that I am learning are these awful creatures attacking their body part of choice for the day or hour.

One hour after swallowing the “busters” I take my “killer” drops in a small amount of water and pray that it goes to town killing off the spirochetes, if not at least chasing them into their other form and weakening them at least a little…  Here is a brief description of what a spirochete looks like and how it hides, changes:

“Borrelia Burgdorferi (Lyme) is capable of transforming into a cyst when it feels its life is threatened. While in cyst form, Borrelia obtains immunity from antibiotics, its host’s immune system, and temperature and PH variations. It can also lower its metabolic rate while in cyst form in order to ward off starvation. When conditions within its host become more favorable, it will transform back into its spirochetal form. A spirochete can also have the added protection of a biofilm if it morphs into a cyst while inside a biofilm.
Don’t confuse the cyst form of Borrelia for skin cysts that are visible to the naked eye. Borrelia Burgdorferi in cyst form exists on a microscopic level and can only be seen with a microscope.”

cyst with biofilm

cyst 2

picture of cyst

spirochete

spirochete

spirochete

Another 15 minutes later I swallow some powerful detox drops in a small amount of water, followed another 15 minutes by bentonite clay, psyllium husk powder pills, a natural thyroid supplement, DHEA supplement, brain support, and my AM Isagenix pills, Ionix shot, a LARGE amount of water, and then about two hours after being woken up, I get to drink my AM protein shake!  I then follow my liquid breakfast with 24 ounces of my greens with some replenish (again… some of my favorite Isagenix products!).  The final part of my morning routine is to follow all of that with at least 24 oz. of water!

I have another shake about 1-2pm for lunch, followed by another batch of greens and replenish, another big water and then I am free until after dinner… FREEDOM!

We eat a very clean and healthy meal for dinner free of any dairy, gluten, corn, or sugar, and minimal fruits if any at all.  This is usually a very weak time of the day for me… but one that I love to sit with my four favorite people and enjoy a recap of our days!!!

Dinner is followed an hour later with basically repeating my morning routine, but here it is just for the record:

2 more “biofilm busters”

40 more drops of the “killer” drops

10 more drops of “detox”

Bentonite Clay in water

5- Psyllium Husk pills

PM Isa pills

2 oz. Cleanse for Life (Isagenix)

1 oz. Ionix Supreme (Isagenix)

I am quite nauseous and sometimes extremely weak in the morning and almost always again at night… I spend a LOT of time throwing up, curled in a ball in severe pain, I’m experiencing random bleeding from my gums, joints not working, extreme hair loss, faint and dizzy spells, almost constant migraines that are very debilitating, etc, etc….  I will share more on all of this and what an average day around the Pratt house looks like in my next post.

If I can leave you with a couple thoughts…  DETOX, DETOX, DETOX… It is crucial and I cannot stress it enough.  I actually did a lot of research before settling on a treatment plan and decided to start detoxing two days prior to any form of treatment.  Do NOT wait to start this, it can be very, very serious and life threatening if you have an overabundance of die off without detoxing thoroughly!

The last and most important thing to remember is that you are NOT alone in this battle… sure there are other people struggling with similar symptoms with Lyme and all these crazy co-infections, but even more than that;  God is there.  He is right there in the midst of your battle each and every day…

And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:29-31

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are waisting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17

“Be still and know that I am God…”
Psalm 46:10

So you shall serve the Lord your God…And I will take sickness away from the midst of you.
Exodus 23:25

Prayer Requests:

Please pray for peace for Cory and our three kiddos… (they are witnessing some scary things while caring for me.  They are fearful while they watch these scary symptoms take over my body in the evenings.)

Please pray for wisdom in treatment

Pray that these spirochetes are killed and flushed from my body

Pray for direction for our family

Pray for strength for Cory as he is carrying a huge financial and emotional load for all five of us each day.

Sincerely, Dani

 

Posted in: God, Health, hubs, Life, Prayer

We all need a LITTLE bit of encouragement sometimes…

March 14, 2016 11:40 pm , Leave a Comment ,

I’ve been having some rough days since my last post and though I have wanted to share another post… I realized today that my heart simply needed some encouragement!  So, I wanted to share this sweet and powerful saying with all of you in hopes that it would encourage you like it does me every time I walk past it in my home!  I loved it so much, I bought it last year from one of my favorite little shops House of Belonging!

His GRACE is sufficient… I so often add up where I have let my kiddos down, what I wasn’t able to get done in my day, or that I couldn’t get off the couch to make dinner tonight…  but His Grace… it’s always here for me!  I can drop everything I worry about, feel ashamed about, or have doubts about at His feet and let it all go…

2 Corinthians 12:9 says this:  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Stay tuned… I am going to share my treatment plan soon, as well as lots of the reasons behind why I have chosen each piece of the protocol!

Posted in: God, Health, Life, Live IT Out!, Prayer, Update

When the Mess is Named…

March 12, 2016 11:22 pm , 8 Comments ,

It’s been a long week and I am struggling to make clear enough thoughts as I sit down to type tonight.  After sharing last week about the symptoms I’ve been experiencing, and hearing from many of you with some stories about your own symptoms, I wanted to share some more information.

I’m hoping to share all of this to ultimately bring hope and encouragement to you or someone you know that is battling your own “mess” right now and help you see it as a “beautyfull mess” with eternal hope!

During the last 24 years I have seen countless doctors, specialists, naturopaths, chiropractors, acupuncturists, practitioners, you name it… I’ve likely seen one!  I was diagnosed with mono, EBV, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Short Term Memory Loss, Wilson’s Syndrome, Chronic Migranes, Pituitary Cushings, Pernicious Anemia, Crohns Disease, Candida, being Post Menopausal at 28years old, was told I was simply wired backwards, had a doctor say I was CRAZY, I have been turned away from Sleep Clinics two times, finally was seen by a sleep specialist and they said I slept fine, and was told by at least two doctors that they were done seeing me and had nothing they could do to help me.  I have been tested for M.S., ALS, tumors, cancers, auto immune diseases, etc…  I have had crazy long needles inserted into my major muscles and shock waves (I am sure there is a technical term for this) sent through the needles… basically, I was shocked from the inside to run extensive testing on my muscles and nerves.

After ALL of this including years of many trips over the mountains to our Health University, a trip to a world renowned Hormone Specialist in Arizona, tons of trips up north of Seattle to see a Neurolink Practitioner (he helped me some!), and expiring our local options too… the only thing that has ever stuck as a diagnosis (pretty sure this was strictly for insurance purposes… when we used to have insurance) was Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  Now, don’t get me wrong; I am not saying I am defined by a diagnosis or code at all, however, to receive proper treatment you must know what you are dealing with first.

My husband (Cory), my mom, and myself have long believed that I had Lyme Disease, yet any doctor I would ask here would look me straight in the eye and say this disease didn’t exist on the West Coast. Period.  I was told that even if I did test positively for it, I would not be treated for it by them as they did NOT believe in it… eventually laughing the thought off entirely, they would each move onto more testing, more asking me to tell my story over and over again.

Finally… this year after taking about 16 months off of seeking any help or doing anything to help alleviate these symptoms (we were completely worn out and didn’t feel like there was any fight left in us.), I had a Rolf (structural alignment massage-like technique that proved to help me with my severely tight muscles that aggravated constant migraines.) appointment and the Rolfer told me about her friends practice that had just moved to Bend!  I was trying to be hopeful to look into him, and Cory agreed it was time to get back into seeking help and finding answers.

I have been seeing this new Doctor/ Naturopath and appreciate that he believes that “I am my own best advocate”, He immediately advised me to have a binder of ALL of my test results, notes, etc…  He views myself, Cory, and the Doc as a team and equally listens to our ideas while sharing his own of course.  We have run extensive tests, and I know there are still more to come, however I finally have confirmation of a Chronic Lyme Disease diagnosis along with late stage Babesia, Bartonella, and there will likely be more co-infections found in further testing.

I will be posting treatment options as I walk through this.  I am really struggling as I am midway through my second week of chasing this terrible disease… but I will post as often as I can!

Please share these posts with others… I am excited to help others struggling with Lyme, or other tick born diseases seek help, find answers, and encouragement in the middle of the mess, and ultimately pray for God’s healing!

Sincerely, Dani

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6

Posted in: God, Health, hubs, Life, Marriage, Prayer

I was written off by countless doctors… were you?

March 7, 2016 10:53 pm , 4 Comments ,

I’ve finally decided to jump on social media and share some very scary news with you that many doctors won’t.  Soooo many doctors will not acknowledge this awful disease, there is no acknowledgement for the severity and seriousness of the symptoms, and you may be labeled as crazy, written off as just another “chronic fatigue” case, or completely dismissed as I have been over and over for the last decade plus.

I decided to start off by sharing a list of my symptoms.  This list is extensive, and has been progressing over the last 24 years of my 33 years of life.  Although I have been struggling with this for soooo long; the majority of these have become much more intense and some seem to have onset with the birth of my first little one.

Please share this with anyone you know who is dealing with undiagnosed issues, or even those who may have a diagnosis yet still have so many frustrations and unknown answers… I will be sharing much more info very soon, but for now here is my way-too-long-list of symptoms:

Hang in there!

Sincerely, Dani

  • Dangerously LOW ferretin levels.
  • Headache
  • Stiff neck
  • Sore throat, swollen glands
  • Heightened allergic sensitivities
  • Twitching of facial/other muscles
  • Jaw pain/stiffness (like TMJ)
  • Change in smell, taste
  • Upset stomach (nausea, vomiting)
  • Unexplained weight gain
  • Loss of appetite
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Night sweats or unexplained chills
  • Heart palpitations
  • Diminished exercise tolerance
  • Heart block, murmur
  • Chest pain or rib soreness
  • Mood swings, irritability, agitation
  • Depression and anxiety
  • Malaise
  • Overemotional reactions, crying easily
  • Disturbed sleep:  too little, difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Feeling as though you are losing your mind
  • Dementia
  • Forgetfulness, memory loss (short or long term)
  • Attention deficit problems, distractibility
  • Confusion, difficulty thinking
  • Difficulty with concentration, reading, spelling
  • Disorientation: getting or feeling lost
  • Unexplained menstrual pain, irregularity
  • Reproduction problems, miscarriage
  • Extreme PMS symptoms

 

  

  • Double or blurry vision, vision changes
  • Oversensitivity to light
  • Floaters/spots in the line of sight
  • Decreased hearing
  • Ringing or buzzing in ears
  • Sound sensitivity
  • Joint pain, swelling, or stiffness
  • Muscle pain or cramps
  • Poor muscle coordination, loss of reflexes
  • Loss of muscle tone, muscle weakness
  • Numbness in body, tingling, pinpricks
  • Burning/stabbing sensations in the body
  • Weakness or paralysis of limbs
  • Tremors or unexplained shaking
  • Poor balance, dizziness, difficulty walking
  • Increased motion sickness, wooziness
  • Lightheadedness, fainting
  • Difficulty with multitasking
  • Difficulty with organization and planning
  • Auditory processing problems
  • Word finding problems
  • Slowed speed of processing
  • Decreased interest in play (children)
  • Extreme fatigue, tiredness, exhaustion
  • Symptoms seem to change, come and go
  • Dysfunction of the thyroid (under active thyroid glands)
  • Extreme hair loss
  • No new hair growth

 

Posted in: God, Health, Life, Prayer, Update

Braggin’ on my Man!

March 1, 2015 11:31 pm , 4 Comments ,

Brace yourselves as I am NOT a pretty “cryer”!  I mean it… and I don’t like others to see me cry at all, EVER.  It is something I am working on though because crying does help me feel much better afterwards instead of holding it all in… Sooooo, I encourage you to both watch this short video that resonated deeply with me, and to also bear with me while I emotionally share with you about a man whom has seen far too many of my ugly cries, yet stands by my side still.

  Watch this Sweeter than sweet film… you may cry like I did…

Soooo, for my story and how it relates:

12 and a half years ago I married my very best friend.  I know you’ve all heard that saying before… but for REALZ… I did!  We have had a wonderful marriage, full of gobs of joys, three kiddos that stole our hearts, adventures along the way, great blessings, and a lot of medical/ health/ financial hardships too.  Instead of sharing about all of that right now, I wanted to focus on this man that I’ve been blessed to share all of these moments, whether good or not so good with!

Matthew 19:6 ESV So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

*Please know this is not a pity party… merely information you need to know to understand how blessed I am by my hubs love, and most importantly to bring a reminder of what God meant when he said “a lasting covenant.”

I have had two different people say that they cannot believe that we are still married or that they don’t know why Cory has stayed with me through all of these not-so-pretty years….  I remember both times very well.  The first time was in one of my doctors’ offices and I was honestly shocked.  That thought had NEVER ever crossed my mind.  The second time was much more personal as it was someone who knew us very well.  However, both peoples’ thoughts were very wrong and are quite disturbing when you think about them.

When my hair quit growing, started breaking off, getting very thin, and he can now feel the extensions when he runs his fingers through my “fake” hair:  He reminds me what real beauty is.

When my weight has been out of my control because my body isn’t functioning right:  He still wraps his arms around me.

When my skin is blotchy, broken out and aging rapidly and we can’t figure it out:  He doesn’t look at me any differently.

When doctors told me I was dying two different times:  He held my hands and prayed.  Together we waded through the scary possibilities.

When I can’t get out of bed in the mornings:  He puts on his “Super-Daddy” cape and gets the day going.

When my health bills cost us a house or two:  He kept his eyes on our Savior, woke early every morning and worked diligently to provide for our family.

When I need held:  He holds me.

When I need a shoulder to cry on:  He offers both.

When I can plan the perfect day:  I pick HIM… hands down… HIM.  HIM.  HIM.

Two main things stood out to me in this film…

The First is this:  I know that Cory realized when things were very bad health wise for me and I couldn’t do much easily, he chose NOT to take the tasks away that were dear to my heart when it came to being his wife and our kiddos mom.  Instead he would assist me whether I saw it or not in an effort to ease the strain on me while still allowing me to feel like I was caring for the four most special people in my life!   This was a completely selfless gift that he gave.  It would have been much quicker and simpler for him to just do it all on his own, or not worry about doing it at all.  But he cares deeply for my heart and that is right where I needed to feel his love.

The second is this: I ALWAYS want to be his “partner” and not his “patient”.  This is a VERY real feeling that any of you who have been through health issues beyond your control will resonate with.  Of course I want and need to be taken care of… but I need to feel needed and wanted in our partnership just as much as I ever have if not more now.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
Coaching Hayden

Coaching Hayden

I still struggle with this feeling at times.  It is an area that the enemy uses against me for sure.  I will always be Cory’s partner… his partner in life, love, adventures, laughter, tears, and anything else we get to live out together.  However, when he has to pick up the pieces that I can’t carry; I can buy into the lie that I am just a burden, job or patient to him.  So, I am still working on fighting off this lie…  because it is simply that:  a big, fat lie!

You see, Cory is a man of his word.  He made a commitment to the Lord.  To me.  We made this together and living it out is our only option.  There isn’t the “easy out button” that when I get ugly, sick, or frustrating he can’t press it and be done.  He lives his commitment out each day.  This may not have been a smooth-sailing decade plus, but it HAS been beautiful watching his love for me!

Ecclesiastes 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of the life of your vanity, which he has given you under the sun, all the days of your vanity: for that is your portion in this life, and in your labor which you take under the sun.
He is the most dedicated, committed man I know.  In standing by my side, holding my hand and always choosing to love me, he is an example of Christ’s love.  He is a living example to our kids of what a devoted husband, and gracious daddy is and I can wholeheartedly say that I am more head over heels in love with this hunka-heaven than I have ever been before!

~Sincerely Dani

  Babes, you have stolen my heart many, many times over by how genuinely you love on me.  I am humbled by your devotion to our marriage.  I admire how tirelessly and so very hard you continually work to provide for our family.  I cannot thank you enough and am honored that you chose me to walk through this joy-filled, ugly-crying, crazy, scary, amazing life with.  ~ Loves, Your Girl

This Man xoxoxx

This Man xoxoxx

Posted in: Family, God, Health, hubs, Life, Live IT Out!, Marriage , Tagged: , , , , ,

Live IT Out!

February 17, 2015 10:35 pm , 3 Comments ,

photo-1416339276121-ba1dfa199912“Living It Out” is going to be the theme of the Beautyfull Mess Blog for a while, or at least as long as I can see right now… We all live something out, and I am excited to share with you about the very things that have become my “IT”!

What is your “IT”?  I would LOVE to hear from y’all on what yours is… let’s make this a conversation and help each other live out these important things that make each of us tick.

For these last five + years I have constantly been telling our kiddos, my husband, and mostly myself these very words:  “LIVE IT OUT”!  It is these very words that speak my hearts’ cry, passion, and love.  These three words are powerful.  They have the ability if followed through on with a heart tethered to Jesus to speak life, hope, love, devotion, and commitment.  By living IT out… we can choose to:

Live out our faith in Christ.

Live out His love to our neighbors.

Live out our commitment in marriage.

Live out our devotion to raising our kiddos for the Lord.

Live out a passion.  (sports, music, etc…)

Live out convictions. (without legalism- extremely important)

You get it!  The “IT” does not only apply to Christianity.  This “IT” can be found in anyone by finding what makes you tick… we all have “IT”, we all need “IT”, sometimes we just have to find “IT”.  And I desperately pray that yours too will be sought after in our Savior.  The very One who made each of us and yearns for us to keep our mission deeply rooted in Him.

For me personally, finding most of my “IT” was simple… but as this world seems ensued in evil, violence, sexual immorality, divorce, lack of commitment to almost everything, and an overall weakening of all convictions where black and white are now blurred into a giant “gray-land”… my “IT” is all the more important!   Knowing what you stand for, believe in, and why is crucial.  It is not only vital for yourself, but for your children, grands, and others looking to you as a role model.

P.S.  The Pratt house is working on the best way to have these three words beautifully inscribed above our front door… I want each of us to look at them, think on them, tap them as we leave and live them out each and every day! 

Can’t wait to hear from you all soon!

~Sincerely, Dani

Posted in: Family, God, Life, Live IT Out!, Update

We’ve added a new member of our family & a Kua’aina Ranch update

January 27, 2015 11:40 pm , 3 Comments ,

I have been MIA for a really fun reason this last week. We have added a new member to Kua’aina Ranch!  My reason stands taller than me, has wayyyyy better hair than me and weighs about 1000 pounds more than me…  His name is Maxwell Kailua Pratt or “Max” as we call him.  We are in love… all of us!  This newest member is an 8 year old Quarter horse gelding, and he is a dream come true for our family, one we have been praying to find for a few years now.  We have been getting into a routine with him, trying to remember how to do the simple things like groom, saddle up, and where Max likes to be scratched best!  Most of this comes back like riding a bike… but not all.  I am super thankful for a mom that got me right back up on a horse, one that remembered how to tie up a cinch, etc…  I hadn’t been on a horse in about 18 years, and it is once again AMAZING!!!  I am hooked!  All three of my kiddos are taken by him, and my hunky hubby handles him better than all of us combined.

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We still need to get a full family photo with Max… but it was dark when I finally got him back home over the mountain! So, Cory snapped this quick pic! They were so surprised and thrilled!

I’ve been learning through having Max on the ranch just how therapeutic time with a horse can be.  He is always there in the paddock, stall or the pasture.  Max rarely has his own agenda, unless he’s super hungry, so he loves to just hang out.  My 9 year old starts her morning by throwing some boots on, grabbing her favorite book, and running down to feed a flake of hay and just spend time talking to Max.  She’s spending hours worth of time reading to him, sharing her heart with him, and building a beautiful relationship.  He is building trust in her, and she in him.  They yearn for time with each other, time to talk, listen, or just be silent together.  Sometimes I hear him crying for her when she’s out playing on the property… he whinnies for her attention and keeps an attentive eyes and poised ears towards her most of the time.  They have a special bond.  One worth tending to.  Investing in.  A bond worth fighting for.

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Lucy finally has her sweet horse! You can honestly watch their love for each other grow…

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She could do this for hours…

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Grooming

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Lucy’s first ride on Max!

I love this analogy of how a relationship with our Father in Heaven can be so very much the same as that between Lucy and Max.  Our God is always here for us desiring just this kind of a relationship with each of us.  He has a flexible schedule, but treasures each second with us.  He loves it when we talk to Him, not just at meals and bedtime with our littles… but when it’s our M.O. for any reason at all.  He wants us to read with Him and enjoy each handpicked story in His word.  He wants to hear our hearts and live in it.  He desires us to think on Him 24/7, and just like Max; He keeps His eyes on us always.  His ears are always ready to hear our worries and He promises to carry them too.  This bond with Jesus is the MOST precious relationship we can ever have and yet often times we don’t tend to it, invest in it or take time with it.

For me, having Max join us last week has been such a joy.  It has also been such a great reminder of the need to tend to my heart.  To invest in time with my Savior, to talk to Him as my very best friend, for He is just that.

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Hayden was actually just working out… but Grammy got him out there to work through some newness with Max! Instantly bonded!

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And now Hayden can’t get enough riding in… too bad someone has to be responsible and can’t take kiddos on rides all day long! 😉

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Hayden, Max and Me! Thanks for the pic Lu

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And then there was Grey… she had a little bareback ride and experienced a horse for the first time ever! The love was mutual!

 

We are going to continue loving on and investing in Max.  And I find myself intensely thankful for the simple, sweet, subtle, yet serious reminder to keep loving on Jesus, building a relationship with Him, investing time in Him, and keeping my eyes fixed on Him.

~Sincerely, Dani

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in: Family, God, Kua'aina Ranch, Life, Prayer, Update

Western Medicine, Eastern Herbs, and My Ever Present God

January 15, 2015 11:14 pm , 1 Comment ,

Endless options, countless routes, a million different doctors, practitioners, and specialists, diagnosis dripping from their tongues, and a girl spinning in fear…  this was my life since I delivered my oldest, over 11 years ago.  I could go into all the details of these past years, spilling my guts about all I have experienced, the endless tests I had run one after another, after another…  There were the tests where I had to collect urine for 24 hours while trying to continue living life normally (looking back I am sooooo very thankful for the amazing friends that let me stay with them in Portland for all of these appointments, fed me, walked around with me in between appts. and tests all while carrying around my potty bag!… Josh and Camilla, you are dear and loved- xo).  The ones where long needles were stuck into my muscles and then electric pulses were sent into them and I was shocked from the inside basically (while I had my then 3 and 4 year olds watching a movie on an iPad in hopes they wouldn’t hear/ see/ remember any of what their mommy was going through)… I am sure these tests all have names, and are necessary.  I was thankful to have them and to have ruled so much out.  I could talk about all of the drugs I have been on to put me to sleep, wake me up, keep my anxiety from not sleeping under control, and keep me in a dull state daily.  I have seen naturopaths, endocrinologists, medical doctors, hormone specialists, had sleep studies, and spent years of time at a health and science university.  I have had diagnosis delivered.  I have had them taken away.  I have bought into the hope of each of these people stating there was help and we would find an answer… that I would be better soon.  That my husband would have a normal- functioning wife again.  That my kids would have a mommy that could play and run with them again.  I have been told that my body was shutting down, that I was dying, it was bleak, it was scary, it was overwhelming.

I could spend days telling you all about ALL of these things and soooo, so much more.  But there is little value in it that is of wasting my typing fingers on… you see; all of these people, tests, and drugs are important.  Sometimes they are needed.  I am not saying that I don’t value doctors, or that I think that tests are obsolete.  I am definitely not saying that drugs are not needed at all!  What I am saying is that I without a doubt respect western/ eastern medicine and practices in their place.  But without relying on God I was stuck in an endless spiral of living in continual fear.  You see, I knew His truths, I have lists of God’s promises on my phone, I read His word, talk to Him, and hide His word in my heart.  But when it came to my health, it was entirely overwhelming and I bought into the fear that was not of God.

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I am not currently taking any medications for anything.  I have found that using essential oils are just as useful as the drugs I was on, yet without the side effects.  I have found a sleep spray that definitely helps to calm my mind at night, and I am ready to sleep.  I am ready and excited for God to heal my body!  For now I am spending a lot of time resting when I cannot find sleep and I get to spend a tremendous amount of time in prayer.  I am really working on just relying on God to meet my needs daily… as simple as they may seem:  getting out of bed, having energy to do simple housework, having a smile on my face, being joy-filled, and to bring restful, deep, long, hard sleep!

I am constantly hearing of new things to try, or a doctor to see, etc…  and I am not opposed to these options.  I am however, cautious.  I have seen how I gave into fear of the “what- ifs” and diagnosis’ in the past.  I acted on this fear without first taking it to my Savior.  I said yes to pills, treatments, and men who had good intentions for sure.  But I committed to these all without first relying on Jesus.

Aside from explaining where I have been, what I have tried, and where I am at now… what I really, really want you to know is that relying on God is where it is at.  In the true trusting in Him, resting in His promises, and giving Him all of your worries whether big or small…  He is there for you.   He will carry you through when you cannot go on!  I have LOVED this poem since I was a young girl and it still paints a picture for me of true reliance on the Lord:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed 
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

“LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me.”

The LORD replied:

“My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.”

Psalms is bursting with encouragements for us in relying on the Lord.  Here are some of my faves:

Psalms 121:2  My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.

Psalms 9:9  The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, A stronghold in times of trouble

Psalms 18:2  The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalms 27:13-14  I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.

Psalms 55:22  Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

Psalms 56:3-4  When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid What can mere man do to me?

Our God does not lie in just the Western or Eastern… He is EVERYWHERE, He is so much bigger than our problems, sicknesses, diseases, and fears.

Rely on Him!

Sincerely, Dani

Posted in: God, Health, Life

Learning to say “NO”, so that my “YES” means more…

January 13, 2015 8:55 pm , 2 Comments ,

It is the single hardest word for me to say.  It is even harder to just say the word without justifying why I said it.  The little word “NO” is so powerful, yet using it comes with the dis-illusion that it is a mean word, un-kind, un-fair, and flat out selfish.  It’s quite the opposite however.  Saying no opens up a world of being able to say “YES”!  It allows you the opportunity to say yes to things that really, really matter!

These two little letters are quickly becoming a dear friend of mine.  Not because I don’t want to do, go, help, bless, attend, etc… but because I want the things that I say yes to, to be those that God puts on my heart, and the ones that best fit into our family, schedule, finances, spiritual resources, and all aspects of our lives under the submission of Jesus.

I, just like countless others have bought into the lie that being ever-ready with a yes to answer is always best.  Having been a self-described “people pleaser” for so many years now, I can attest to the ragged way it makes you feel.  I can share countless stories with you of how saying yes flippantly has cost me precious time with the ones that needed me most.  It can rob you of what God actually needs you to do for Him.  When your energy is consumed by all these wonderful sounding commitments, it leaves small amounts of the resources needed to do the big things that God is calling you to.  In my recent Bible study and favorite one so far…  Lysa TerKeurst said it best: “When a woman lives with the stress of an overwhelmed schedule, she’ll ache with the sadness of an underwhelmed soul.”  This resonated deeply with me, and I knew change had to start right away!

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So, how do we turn this around?  How do we begin speaking honestly with those around us when they are so used to our inevitable yes?  How do we get over the fear that we will be seen as mean, heartless, and crazy?  I will be honest with you, I don’t know yet.  But I have started with these things:

  • Not answering immediately (the hardest part for me… so it helps to get it over with quick 😉  )
  • Re-evaluating my priorities and making sure that they are not compromised in saying yes.  (Is my Lord and Savior first, my husband second, and my kiddos third?  Because all else has to come after!)
  • Asking my husband.  (Not because I have to, but because I married my best friend, help mate and he is my covering.)
  • Does this fit financially for our family?
  • Do I feel well enough to take this commitment on?  (see past blog posts for more info on this)
  • And of course, the most obvious… yet not always the one that I go to right away:  Bring it before the Lord.  Ask for wisdom, guidance, direction, and wait on Him!  Pray.  Pray.  Pray.

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When I have to say no.  I have to say it in honesty.  Sometimes I give a reason, and more often I am really trying not to.  I want to speak in love, kindness, grace and utter honesty.  I am finding that when people know your heart, they respect your answer.  I try to surround myself with family and friends that know me, trust me, and love our family enough that they want to help protect my health, our family time, and even if they don’t understand the reasons… they support our decisions.  There are bound to be those that don’t understand too.  And in those situations, I have to rest in the reasons behind my NO.  Keep loving on them and be confident that God has a really great YES ahead that I need to be ready and prepared for, while praying for Him to bring someone with their “yes” to fill that need!

Our words are so important that the Bible talks about them over and over… here are just a few of them:

Proverbs 18:21a says  Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

Proverbs 21:23 says:  Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Psalms 19:14 says: Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

I have such a long way to go in learning where to give my yes.  I am excited to see how God can use me better when I save my “yes” for the things He has for me!

Are you struggling with saying yes?  Saying no?  Priorities?  Schedules?  

I would love to hear how you have seen your “yes” moments  value increase by guarding them… Please share and encourage one another here… I can’t wait to hear from you soon!

I am praying that you have His strength, His wisdom, His understanding, and truly lean on Jesus in this “yes/ no” journey!

Sincerely,  Dani

P.S.  Please subscribe to my beautyfull mess blog and let’s stay in touch… hugs

Posted in: God, Life

When the sleep doesn’t come… He is still there

January 11, 2015 11:24 pm , 78 Comments ,

IMG_9302_1You know those times in your life where you feel like you are stuck in an “ugly rut”?  Nothing seems to go right, there is more dark than light, more yuck than yummy, more saying NOOOOO than yes, you get the picture!  These seasons are REAL.  They are not fun.  In fact, sometimes they are simply awful, terrible, and seem unbearable.  Yet, God allows us to walk through them.  He brings us out on the other side.  He uses this time to refine us, teach us, change us, bring us closer to Him, and ultimately to show His glory!  Sometimes it is truly the worst that brings out the best… like the saying “beauty to ashes”.  We’ve all heard it.  When you look back on these times of trials, have you seen the truth in the saying?  He is still there… cling to Him, His promises, His word.

I know that it seems like nothing new… but I am not sleeping again.  I am not even sleeping a wink some nights… like not-at-all.  It is horrible.  I hurt, ache, and am overly emotional.  These last two weeks now have been the worst I’ve had in about two years.  I feel desperate, upset, and simply tired.  I told Cory just the other day that I know God knows how much longer I will have these three kiddos at home before they are off on their own adult adventures.  But I am upset that I have to feel like I do during all of this time in these special moments of their youth.  I want to feel good.  I want to be able to go run with them in our fields, shoot hoops with Hayden, build forts with Lucy, explore with Grey, and be fun!!!  He knows all of this, and yet I am still in this mess…    Because even when the sleep doesn’t come… He is still here!  He will not leave me, He will not leave you.  He is here, and I will bring my praises and my worries to him.

So, for now; I am earnestly praying for healing, sleep, rest, answers.  I know that my recent posts including this one sound so ugly.  I have been wanting to write and yet haven’t because I want to write about happy things, easy times, and FUN!  So, I am going to do two things in my upcoming posts.  I want to share with you about how much I am sleeping at night, and would ask you to join me in praying I can sleep!  (Not sleeping will kill you… it is vital…  please, please, please pray).  And I am also going to share with you some of the beauty that I have seen through these last 11-ish years now that I have been dealing with this!  You see… that is the greatest thing about all of this.  The amount of good, beauty, and blessings that God has given during this season have wayyyyy outweighed the ugly.  Let’s dwell on the good while we pray for the bad… I always feel better when my attitude is fixed on praise even when the world around me may be spinning in muck!

These three have stolen my heart… their laughter is contagious and their love is overwhelming!

These three have stolen my heart… their laughter is contagious and their love is overwhelming!

Some specific prayers for our family include:

Sleep for me… obviously!

(energy to teach school, keep our home tidy, be creative and think ahead with our meals)

More jobs and retainer work for Cory’s business  www.lonemill.com

Continued guidance in parenting  these three incredible kiddos

We are searching for some calves and a special horse to add to our ranch.

I need to be dedicated to working out again… hard to start over… AGAIN

Thank you to each of you for praying… They are each heard, and we are sooooo thankful!

 

Posted in: Family, God, Health, Life