Category Archives: God

When the sleep doesn’t come… He is still there

January 11, 2015 11:24 pm , 78 Comments ,

IMG_9302_1You know those times in your life where you feel like you are stuck in an “ugly rut”?  Nothing seems to go right, there is more dark than light, more yuck than yummy, more saying NOOOOO than yes, you get the picture!  These seasons are REAL.  They are not fun.  In fact, sometimes they are simply awful, terrible, and seem unbearable.  Yet, God allows us to walk through them.  He brings us out on the other side.  He uses this time to refine us, teach us, change us, bring us closer to Him, and ultimately to show His glory!  Sometimes it is truly the worst that brings out the best… like the saying “beauty to ashes”.  We’ve all heard it.  When you look back on these times of trials, have you seen the truth in the saying?  He is still there… cling to Him, His promises, His word.

I know that it seems like nothing new… but I am not sleeping again.  I am not even sleeping a wink some nights… like not-at-all.  It is horrible.  I hurt, ache, and am overly emotional.  These last two weeks now have been the worst I’ve had in about two years.  I feel desperate, upset, and simply tired.  I told Cory just the other day that I know God knows how much longer I will have these three kiddos at home before they are off on their own adult adventures.  But I am upset that I have to feel like I do during all of this time in these special moments of their youth.  I want to feel good.  I want to be able to go run with them in our fields, shoot hoops with Hayden, build forts with Lucy, explore with Grey, and be fun!!!  He knows all of this, and yet I am still in this mess…    Because even when the sleep doesn’t come… He is still here!  He will not leave me, He will not leave you.  He is here, and I will bring my praises and my worries to him.

So, for now; I am earnestly praying for healing, sleep, rest, answers.  I know that my recent posts including this one sound so ugly.  I have been wanting to write and yet haven’t because I want to write about happy things, easy times, and FUN!  So, I am going to do two things in my upcoming posts.  I want to share with you about how much I am sleeping at night, and would ask you to join me in praying I can sleep!  (Not sleeping will kill you… it is vital…  please, please, please pray).  And I am also going to share with you some of the beauty that I have seen through these last 11-ish years now that I have been dealing with this!  You see… that is the greatest thing about all of this.  The amount of good, beauty, and blessings that God has given during this season have wayyyyy outweighed the ugly.  Let’s dwell on the good while we pray for the bad… I always feel better when my attitude is fixed on praise even when the world around me may be spinning in muck!

These three have stolen my heart… their laughter is contagious and their love is overwhelming!

These three have stolen my heart… their laughter is contagious and their love is overwhelming!

Some specific prayers for our family include:

Sleep for me… obviously!

(energy to teach school, keep our home tidy, be creative and think ahead with our meals)

More jobs and retainer work for Cory’s business  www.lonemill.com

Continued guidance in parenting  these three incredible kiddos

We are searching for some calves and a special horse to add to our ranch.

I need to be dedicated to working out again… hard to start over… AGAIN

Thank you to each of you for praying… They are each heard, and we are sooooo thankful!

 

Posted in: Family, God, Health, Life

How to play “catch-up”…

February 5, 2014 11:15 pm , 1 Comment ,

The mere thought of trying to play catch up is daunting and one that has paralyzed me from logging into my blog and even saying a quick “hi”, “I’m still here”, “The holidays didn’t actually kill me”, or a simple “HELP ME…”!  I know it sounds ridiculous… but with the amount of new things to write about, along with the speed in which they have been hopping on life’s train;  my head is spinning and my stomach was in knots!  A little too dramatic for everyone?  I’ll admit it sounds like it… but here is a brief summary of life since I last signed on:

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Christmas 2013 was one we shared with family and friends.  Our railing was lined with 25 stockings, and don’t forget Jake, Sammy Sosa, Chance, and Rudy’s too… the pet ones of course!  The richest blessings in our lives are these zany people that we are somehow related to.  Starting with “Happy Birthday Jesus”, paper shredding, 7 littles running around in pure excitement, a soccer game in the field (almost 60 on Christmas Day), yummy dinner bursting with lively conversations, our huge family photo shoot of the year, and more family coming and going for the next 10-ish days!  It was a wonderful time of really celebrating how blessed we are.  God is so good!

Bringing Lucy home to teach her is one of the best things we ever could have done.  She is re-gaining her self-confidence, beginning to enjoy reading again, believing that she is great at math, and enjoying that her history, science, and reading are Bible based and founded on truths!  I have known that God would ask me to school our kiddos at home for sometime now… all I can say is; He is so very Good and His ways are perfect.  Now, if I want to pull my hair out tomorrow and throw in the “teacher” towel… let me blow off some stream and re-gain my composure.  But I assure you, He is always good!

We found out that the kiddos have a water born parasite in their gut.   Our poor little ladies were really uncomfortable for two whole weeks.  Now the boys have this plague, though we are beginning to see light at the end (we think!)  I had mentioned to hubby man that buying stock in 3 year old undies would have been a wonderful idea as I could not keep up on the laundry… I have never seen anything like it.  But again, with two weeks of poop up to my elbows and sleepless nights on end;  I can confidently say that our God is always incredibly good!

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This last week let down the hammer…  Cory woke me up Wednesday morning after a work call and relayed that the Corporate office that he has worked in for these last 6 plus years was closing and he would be without a job soon.  Out of the blue.  No warning.  Not something we had even really considered.  For a job… this was the bomb-digity… we hadn’t imagined life without it… didn’t really want to try.  All I knew to do was pray.  The kind of prayer where it was raw, half empty of words, and yet a prayer of thanksgiving.  Thankful for the job, thankful for the adventure ahead, and thankful that my best friend, myself, and God were there together in that moment.  We are still wading through the questions, the possibilities, the opportunities, but are resting in the arms of the One writing the words of this novel.  A story that one day we will see beauty in, chapters that lead to life abundantly in Him!  While using the brains he has given us, we are also resting in His promises, waiting on His timing, seeking His direction, and knowing that He has “plans to prosper us, and not to harm us.  Plans to give us hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11  He is good time after time.

I feel God saying; “There is much beauty in this mess.”  And I choose to trust Him for He is good!

-Sincerely, dani

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Posted in: Family, God, Health, Life, Uncategorized

Smile… It’s Dancing Day!

October 14, 2013 10:53 pm , Leave a Comment ,

Every Tuesday morning at 10:30, I find myself in a constant smile.  A smile because my little peanut is the happiest little dancing princess I have ever seen!  She is focused, goofy, confident, timid, she is happy, twirling, giggling, jumping, pointing her little pink ballet slippers, and smiling because she was quite possibly born to dance!

It is the simple moments in life like this half hour I have the second day of each week that remind me to enjoy each moment just like my Grey Everly is.  It reminds me to count my blessings… count them one-by-one, count your little blessings, see what God has done… (is that how the saying goes?)  I have started to make it a point to do just that.  I stand at the windowed door and watch her in her sparkly, poofy, purple tutu and thank God for all the blessings that come rushing through my mind:

I thank Him for:

My husband who is a wonderful man of integrity, commitment, courage, diligence, strength, and faith.  A husband committed to me in our marriage covenant between God and us.  A son filled with a tender heart that hurts when others hurt, has an entrepreneurial spirit, and made me a mommy for the first time.  A “Squish” who is seriously the sweetest of all  girls with a passion for helping the needy, she is beautiful inside and out, and is goofy when I need to laugh most.  A little peanut that we were never supposed to be able to have… (doctors said I would die if I had another baby), this little one has a passion for life, and is so gentle.  I thank Him for:  Our home, these 10 acres of possibilities, a pond to float on and soak in each sunbeam, a barn and arena for Lucy’s someday horse, Mountains that literally look like they were placed out my front porch each day to stare at me… (I am still in awe each day I see them… God cares so much for each of us), the gift of photography that He has shared  with me,  and that I get to share this gift with clients who have become dear friends, Salvation He alone offers me freely, and my list just keeps rolling on…

This routine always leaves me feeling overwhelmed by His pure goodness that I did NOTHING to earn, yet He so freely shares in every breath I take.  Does that overwhelm you too?

So, tomorrow is another “dancing day” for Grey, and I cannot wait to watch her as her little three year old body dances like no one is watching and is once again bubbling over with joy… I pray that each of you takes a moment to count your blessings, no matter how little they are.

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Have a ‘dancing day’ filled with joy!

Sincerely, dani

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My BeautyFULL Mess!

October 6, 2013 11:05 pm , Leave a Comment ,

Sooo… I know I am not the only one that has a “messy life”.

I know that our family has been walking through a 10 year mess.

I believe with my whole being that God is soooo much bigger than any mess I may have.

I now know that although this mess is way too messy for my liking… it is a “beautyFULL mess”.

 

Health stuff can be messy to say the least… and after 10 years I have seen all kinds of doctors.  Naturopaths, MD’s, Sleep Clinics, Specialists of all sorts, Neuro-Link Practitioners, Nutritionists… you name it, I have seen it!   I have been  told very scary things leading to not being here to love my husband, raise my kiddos, and enjoy this journey with our families.  I have been scared silly for sure.  I still have NO diagnosis, and the decisions we must make are never easy.  Although this is BIG… hard… scary… overwhelming… and super duper messy, the reason I am sharing about it is because God has been showing me over these last seven months that this mess is marked with His beauty.

It is FULL of His beauty.

It is for His beauty.

He could step in.

He could stop it.

He could heal me.

He could take the weight of this mess off of my husband.

He could remove the stress from my kiddos.

He CAN.

He MIGHT.

He is ABLE.

I believe all of this and I still pray daily, sometimes each minute that He WILL… but I can finally say I am thankful that He chose me to for some reason to walk through this messy-messy battle.  It may not be fun, and only He knows how it will end… but I am guaranteed that His purpose for my life will prevail- Proverbs 19:21, and that He has plans to “prosper me and not to harm me.  Plans for hope and a future…”  Jeremiah 29:11-13  Do I want healing? YES!  Do I wish that I didn’t feel like this?  OF COURSE!  Are there moments/ days I feel like I cannot get out of bed, move, go on? UH HUH!   Is this the hardest thing I have had to walk through?  BOY HOWDY!  Will I continue to seek after my God and desire His will at all costs?  YOU BETCHA!  There is sooooo much beauty in this mess… it truly is a “beautyFULL mess” and I cannot wait to see what God has planned in all of it.  His ways are so often a mystery to me, yet they are so full of life and love.  And I choose to be thankful that He is using me as a vessel to bring glory to Him!  I choose today, to walk in a manner worthy of HIS calling!- Ephesians 4:1

 

“Lord Jesus, I thank you for picking me for this “beauty-full mess”.  I know you love me.  I know your plans are perfect and right.  I pray that you bring healing to my body.  I pray for strength for this journey, patience with this process, grace for each day, protection for my kiddos, and joy in our marriage!  You are sooooo good, and I am thankful that you alone hold the blueprints for this life you’ve given.  I ask you to keep me close to you, that you may do YOUR good work in me.
Amen”.

 

~Sincerely, Dani

choose joy!

Choose JOY today… it simply feels better!

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