These days are tough… but the nights are even more so. Last night was yet another one that this disease hi-jacked. The pain overtakes me, the convulsions begin, I lose the ability to hold my head up, my arms go limp, and my legs can bear no weight, tears start to flow involuntarily, I pass out half a dozen times from the sheer pain, and utter fear sets in.
Thankfully, last night I was able to get Grey all tucked in moments before all the pain started. Cory was outside having an airsoft war in the dark with Hayden and Lucy was on the couch, also nursing a migraine when all I could do was hit the couch and focus on breathing through the intense pain that hit like a brick wall.
Moments later Cory and the two bigs were by my side talking me through my breathing, offering iced tea, rubbing oils on my feet and head, rubbing my neck and back, and most importantly; praying… asking God to take it all away.
As I sit here today writing about last night, I’m reminded of two things: First, I made it through those awful moments last night when I doubted it was possible. He saw me through… gave me strength, and I know my Great God carried me through those moments that were too much for me in my own strength to get through. Secondly, in these horrendous times when it grieves my heart sooooo much that my kiddos have to know so much hurt, pain, and fearful times in this life. I see how strong they are each becoming, How much they rely on their Savior to get them through each minute, and I can truly say that in listening to my son beg God to heal his momma most recently last night… we are raising Mighty Warriors for the Lord! This is not a battle for the weak at heart, it takes courage, faith and trust in God’s promises. He promises a HOPE, and a FUTURE, when we call upon Him, seek Him, and press in. I have recently found my kids together in one of their rooms reading the Bible, explaining how it applies to their lives, how faith is so important to each of them, and I am stopped in my tracks to listen from outside and stand in awe of how only God can take such ashes and turn it into such glorifying beauty for Him!
My heart in sharing all of this is to encourage you… in each trial… do NOT lose heart. You have a God who is bigger, much bigger than all of it! He has these incredible plans for you, your family, He is going to use you and your trial if you submit it to Him. He will take your family through the fire and refine your kids, your marriage, your whole self. It will be hard, trying, and you’ll have your doubts for sure. But trust in the ONE who created you, HE CREATED YOU… just think about that. You may not know what He is doing… but He does! You may not know what His plans for your family are… but He does! I am hanging onto Him at every turn, in each tear that falls, in every twitch, every heart issue, every time I cannot form words and the discouragement doubles up… I choose to hang onto His plans, His will, His ultimate peace which passes all my understanding!
Hang in there dear friends!
Sincerely, dani
The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 9:9-10 NIV
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
3 John 1:4 KJV
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33 NIV
